This is NOT a post about those three little words. This is a post about what women need to hear waaaayyy before that. This is a post for men, about women. If you’re one of my women readers, please use the comments below to add anything you’d like to say. And email this to any guy you know who could use a clue or two in this area!

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Sigmund Freud never did figure out what women want. Maybe he should have asked some. While no two women are exactly alike, it’s generally accepted that women differ from men physically, emotionally, and hormonally. We tend to say that all men want is sex, and they tend to generalize that all women want is for them to act like emasculated slaves to our emotional demands.

Of course, we do like our romantic moments, but we also love for our men to be strong and sexy. It can be very difficult for men to strike the right balance, but it’s not really that complicated. Starting from the mushy and working up to the sexy, here are the things that women want to hear:

1. What really gets to you about her physically, (other than legs, tits and ass).

•   Show her that you are crushing on something physical about her that has nothing overtly to do with sex. Her freckles, her tapered fingers, the backs of her knees. It could be the way she smells, or her smile. I once had a guy tell me he loved my crooked bottom teeth (he was a dental student :-/).

2. What effect she has on you mentally.

•   Women love to know that you thought of them when you were apart.
•   Did you find it difficult to concentrate on work because you kept thinking about her?
•   Is there a particular moment when you were together that you keep remembering?
•   Tell her, or text her. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a quick mention will make her incredibly happy.

3. What you respect or admire about her.

•   Do you like it that she’s smart? Tell her! Often women feel objectified physically, and are thrilled to learn that a guy thinks they’re smart, or funny, or interesting to talk with. They want you to be attracted to them on an intellectual level (at least the smart ones do)!
•   Do you share her values? Let her know that you appreciate her character, and what she stands for.

4. How you enjoy spending time with her.

•   Tell her if you enjoy her company, and find her fun to be around.
•   So often girls hear about how awesome and crazy your time with the guys was. Let her know that you really crave time just hanging out with her alone sometimes.
•   Tease her. Give her an affectionate nickname, and spend time developing inside jokes that only the two of you share.

5. How lucky you feel.

•   Let her know that you think she’s a catch, and that you are a lucky guy to be with her.
•   When a guy tells a girl that he feels lucky (and surprised!) that she likes him too, it makes a girl feel special.

6. How sexy she is.

•   She knows you want to HAVE SEX with her. You should make a point of letting her know that you want to have sex WITH HER.
•   Have you wanted her for a while? Tell her when you first felt that way.
•   Tell her specifically the effect she has on your body and your brain. Was the sex amazing? Tell her. In particular, women worry about whether they’re any good at oral (even though most guys feel that the worst blow job they ever had was awesome).
•   Tell her what you like (noises are good), then tell her when she gets it right.
•   Oh, and speaking of women feeling self-conscious, if you like the way she tastes, make sure you let her know that.

7. What you like about afterwards.

•   It’s a cliché that women are all about the post-coital cuddling, and guys are all about the sleep.
•   What do you like to do after sex? Entwine your legs with hers, spoon, play with her hair? Do you like it when the back of her neck is sweaty? Let her know.
•   We know you want to sleep after sex (that was awesome sperm production!), but if you can give us a few minutes after sex, and make us feel that you are still into us even after you’ve come, we’ll be grateful.